What Because? review.

Andy Mort's book "What Because?" makes for an extremely challenging and thought-provoking read, and will stick with you for a long time afterwards. Beautifully written and presented, it is perfect for those who are ready to challenge the way they see the world and human nature, and for those who want to know what it truly means to be an artist. Definitely worth a read!

{you can buy it for Kindle here http://www.amazon.co.uk/Because-Artist-World-Needs-ebook/dp/B0090NKD14/}

How big is your world?

It often amazes me how small-minded people can be. How uncurious. How indifferent.

As somebody who grew up asking questions about the world, wanting to explore and have answers for everything, it seems only natural for me to think about the huge scale of the planet that we live on and the vast amount and variety of people who we share the world with. In the eyes of some, their world is no bigger than the town they live in; the life they lead. They don't think about the fact that there are whole other cultures which are completely different from us, with tribes who don't have spoken language or customs which we might find completely bizarre. It's not that they don't care, or aren't interested. It just doesn't cross their mind. They don't think about the starving masses, the disease-riddled nations and the evil nature of humanity. They just don't see it. For them, life might not be blooms and roses, but the hardships don't get harder than maybe not having the money to buy the object they want. And it doesn't occur to them how lucky we are to even have food, or to sleep in a house which is subject to forest fire, attack, or terrible weather conditions.

To an extent we're all like this. Nobody can ever truly grasp the scale of the world we live in, because it's just too huge for our minds to truly fathom. But some people grasp the concept a little more than others. Which I simply don't understand - why would you not want to know about or explore other countries and cultures? How could you escape knowing about the situations in other places? Ignorance may be bliss, but there are definitely disadvantages too. I think people whose mindset of the world is too small miss out on a lot of beauty. Because the world is beautiful. Culture is beautiful. People are beautiful. Maybe not all the time, and maybe not when they develop into groups and gang culture, but they're certainly interesting.

I'm constantly striving to match my view of the world with how the world actually is. I'll never achieve it, but it certainly opens my eyes.

Inspiration.

I'm quite easily inspired. I find myself regularly awe-struck by how people's brains work, and how they might do something better or in a different way to myself. I'm quite easily impressed. But inspiration can be found in a number of ways. For instance, I am often inspired by hearing the attention-seeking, impressive playing of a musician of a higher standard than I am (or of a musician playing a different instrument from mine full stop). But sometimes, I think that the highest standard or quality of inspiration comes from those who don't even realise that they're being inspirational.

I'll give an example of a couple at my church. Even without naming any names, if any members of my church were to read this they would know exactly who I'm talking of, because they stand out as being inspirational.

Today, at Gracechurch, I was sat opposite this said married couple, both of whom I know well. As I regarded them, it was clear that she was upset, and she leant on her husband for support. That's all it was. And yet there was something so, so... beautiful about it. She leant on him in such a way that it was evident that she knew he would support her, physically but more importantly, emotionally. He was her rock as she turned her eyes to God and leant on him, too. As they stood there, his arm around her tightly, protectively, as she leant against him, worshipping and praying to the God in which they so firmly believe, it was almost as though they had become one unit. They ceased to be seperate individuals, and became instead one incredibly efficient team. A team consisting of three: him, her, and the warrior saviour Himself. A team who would support each other and lean on each other. A team who would fight battles together and bring about victory. A team who would love one another in every way possible and still find room for more.

It was inspiring, because it would be amazing to one day be in a team like that. To me, although they are human and therefore must have flaws, their marriage is what most people hope that their marriage will be like one day in the future. It was so beautiful to see, in a time when marriages so often fall apart, rendering the unit as seperate individuals once more, in a time when love is so cheap and underrated.

Moving On, Moving Forwards, Moving Away.

(dedicated to Thomas, who kindly badgered me into blogging again)

So much of my time at South now is geared towards sending me out into the wider world by packing me off to university in order to get me to open my metaphorical wings and learn to fly in one giant leap of faith.

There's one tiny problem. I don't want to leave.

I'm excited for the idea of university. I can think of nothing better than devoting my academic time entirely to music and having the social life that accompanies university life. I long for quiet, hushed studies in the corner of a dusty and dim library, surrounded by hundreds of books. I look forward to lecturers with experts in their fields. I can't wait to go exploring new places with friends, both at day and night, meeting new people as we go.

It will be my chance to grow as a person, as a student, and as a musician. And yet...

Although I don't love my home life where I live, and my social life could definitely do with less restrictions (something I'm sure I'll speak of at another time), I love my life. I love my school, where I love being involved with as much as possible, simply because it brings me so much enjoyment and joy. I love WYO and WYJO. I love my church. I love the friends I have here, both in my own year group and in others. I love the opportunities that are thrown my way from every possible direction thanks to being at the school I'm at.

This year, some of my closest friends go off to university, in approximately 3 months' time. My heart clenches at the though, in disbelief. I can't stand the idea of them leaving me, of our friendships potentially being weakened or even forgotten in the process. The same feeling occurs when I think about moving away from people here, when it's my turn to go.

I know that I should be ready to fly, and I know that my wings will unfold when I tell them too. But I don't feel old enough yet. Life is moving too quickly, and it terrifies me slightly.

Sixth form life.

Firstly, I apologise to anyone who does actually read this (which is probably nobody) for not posting in months. Neither my laptop or phone were allowing me to publish anything - I have loads of outdated drafts that were meant to be published but couldn't! I now have a fancy new app ;)

Since I last blogged, I've entered 6th form. Which I hadn't thought would be a major thing, since I'm still in the same building and I still have the same teachers, etc. But it's in fact a huge step up from GCSE level. I'm struggling to keep up with my work, especially when combined with everything else I'm trying to juggle.

I'm feeling very tired, very overwhelmed and also very confused and sceptical about life - something I really don't want to be.

Lifehouse - 'Storm'

How long have I
Been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form.
Water's getting harder to tread,
With these waves crashing over my head.

If I could just see you,
Everything will be alright.
If I'd see you,
The storminess will turn to light.

And I will walk on water,
And you will catch me if I fall.
And I will get lost into your eyes,
And everything will be alright.
And everything will be alright.

I know you didn't
Bring me out here to drown.
So why am I 10 feet under and upside down?
Barely surviving has become my purpose,
'cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface.

If I could just see you,
Everything will be alright.
If I see you,
The storminess will turn to light.

And I will walk on water,
And you will catch me if I fall.
And I will get lost into your eyes,
And everything will be alright.

And I will walk on water,
And you will catch me if I fall.
And I will get lost into your eyes,
And everything will be alright.
I know everything is alright,

Everything's alright.

These lyrics are just so, so beautiful... I just had to share them SOMEWHERE. YouTube it - Storm, by Lifehouse. An extremely powerful song.

I always find it fascinating how songs can create such emotions in the mind and heart. Something to blog about another time, maybe.

On Makeup

Something that has always annoyed me about myself is that I actually hate makeup. I hate the idea that girls (and, not to be stereotypical, some boys) cover their faces in makeup to try and improve their appearance. In my ideal world, we would all just look natural.

Why? Because there is so much pressure to look ‘good’ when we move on from natural beauty (which I sincerely believe everyone possesses), to unnatural and fake beauty. Trends start appearing, fashion takes over, and suddenly beauty’s very meaning is diminished, for all we become concerned about is a person’s madeup face, as well as their body and styled hair and fashion-related clothes. Beauty was never meant to be about manmade things. Inner beauty is what really matters. It breaks my heart that the majority of people nowadays only look at people on surface level, especially as acquaintances.

The reason why it annoys me so much? I’m guilty. I succumb to the pressure, just like 99% of other girls. Because if I don’t, I feel inadequate. I can feel people I know staring at me in disbelief. I feel ugly, and slobbish. Even though I know that that is just due to the mindset and society we live in, and that makeup is just a cover, and has no real significance.

The other thing is that most of the pressure I feel to wear makeup does not come from the opposite sex. For me, makeup is not about attracting guys, or trying to impress them. It’s about keeping the critical, gossiping females at bay, and impressing them.

Oh, the trivial worries of the human race.

Prom: Happiness.

I could say many, many things about Prom. I could talk about how it compared to the typical Americanised dream of prom, about boys and girls, about dresses, and vehicles, and dancing, and music, and love, and laughter, and socialising, and award ceremonies, and alcohol, and after parties.

I could mention all of these things, but I won't. Instead, I'm going to talk about happiness.

The thing about happiness is that it comes in many different forms, and through many different mediums. For instance, the happiness you feel when you get given a present is different to the happiness you feel when you discover that someone you know has become engaged, or when you manage to achieve something for the first time.

For me, last night signified the realisation of how many people I love. As I 'mingled' around the room and had to decide who I was going to go and talk to at that precise minute, it struck me how accepted I've recently become by a certain group of friends - a group who I would love to be more of a part of. This, in its simple form, made me happy.

Last night also made me happy in that it was a chance to forget about everything. I didn't need to think about complications, or bad gossip, or the evil that is rooted somewhere in everybody's hearts. I didn't think about anything deep, moral, serious, thought-provoking, or upsetting - on purpose. I thought shallow thoughts, and wallowed in the happiness that this freedom brought; fully aware that I could not live thinking in such a way long-term, but that for one night it would be bliss. And bliss it was.

I was also giddy with excitement. The adrenaline of being chauffeur-driven in a pink Hummer limousine, with some of my closest friends, dressed to the nines, was amazing.

Being noticed also gives a buzz of happiness. The pleasant compliments from both genders on how you look, on your dress and your hair, etc. Being noticed, rather than being invisible. I felt good. Which had been my main aim in the first place. I didn't really care whether I looked good to other peoples' standards, so long as I felt good.

For one night, it was wonderful to let it all go. To have fun. To spend time with many beautiful and wonderful people, and just enjoy it without overthinking and analysing and wishing for more. To be shallow and instinctive, and individual. To just be completely, 100% happy.

Crash.

A blog can be used for many different purposes, and in many different ways. Some people use it to rant about their lives and the situations they find themselves in, some use it as an update to others, keeping them informed, and some people blog for the sake of it, to keep away the boredom and to provide a distraction. Others use theirs as a way of explaining how they are feeling to anyone who cares to listen. It's the latter for me today.

You see, I blog primarily for myself. Not for the readers (sorry), but for myself. I just like getting my thoughts out of my brain, into my fingers, and into the computer keyboard - it's extremely satisfying. And to think that people actually like reading this! It always amazes me. In a good way, obviously. On the back of this, I'm now just going to explain how I feel at this moment in time, and it may be completely boring to you, you may empathise completely with how I feel, or you might just see it as a window into how I think.

My brain is in a complete whirlwind of thoughts. Cabaret, Eisteddfod, school work, exams, coursework, Grade 8 Piano, Grade 8 Viola, Blue2, WYJO, WYO, tennis, community group, Fusion, Gracechurch, Italy, friendships, relationships..

Everything is crashing. Colliding. Some things feel like I'm almost literally holding on to them with my fingertips. Subjects which I used to be the strongest in at school are now becoming weak, and I'm losing motivation. Maths, for example.

Maths used to be my thing. I used to fight it out in middle school to secure my place at the top of the Maths geeks, so to speak. I liked it because there is a set answer, either right or wrong, and nothing could change that. And that hasn't changed. But I have changed. I now prefer subjects where you can have any opinion at all, and claim anything, so long as you can offer up proof to back up your theory. And coming to terms with the fact that a) I'm not a wonderful mathematician for my age any more and b) I'm not who I used to be is tough.

I feel like I have made many more friends, through Cabaret and music groups and everything like that, but that they're surface friends - they're brilliant in Cabaret, etc, but once they're over I will hardly see them. They won't be there for the lunchtimes when I'm free, or when I need someone to talk to who will understand. And it feels like all this time being spent with other people, doing other things, means that the friendship with my real, proper, close close friends, is weakening. And this scares me, both on a selfish and unselfish level.

Cabaret ends in a week. Which I'm very glad about, because it shall free up SO much of my time! But at the same time, I'm dreading its finish, because I don't know what I'll do without it now. It's what I've worked towards, aimed for, for months. I don't know what's waiting for me without it. It'll be weird, at least.

This is where you all think I'm a crazy / depressed / strange person with a very bizarre brain. I promise you I'm not. Life's just a little busy. And everything has crashed.

Holiday?

So, once again, the majority of the British population (indeed, most of the world) is supposedly approaching a time of festivity, joy and happiness. Christmas. It's true that Christmas generally does bring with it fun memories and gifts and other pleasant occurrences, but the Christmas period as a whole can be rather stressful.

There are hundreds of Christmas cards to be written (to people who already know that you care about them without a card that simply says what you will say to them in person anyway), presents to be wrapped, having been bought first (which is actually easier said than done, because I haven't found time to go shopping yet, and Christmas Day, scarily, is just over a week away!), annual updates to be sent to distant relatives (with whom this is the only contact, in the entire year), homes to be cleaned and tidied in case of visitors, and much, much more.

Not forgetting the fact that the Christmas cake has to be made, the mince pies sprinkled with extra sugar, the marzipan rolled and cut into delightful shapes, and the mulled wine mulled.

But on top of this, for those of us who have to go to school for approximately 40 weeks of the year, and especially for those of us who are nearing the end of our compulsory education, there is homework to be done, coursework to be completed, and exams to be prepared for. Science revision, in my case, is not what I'm most looking forward to about Christmas.

Add onto all of this any extra-curriculum activities which need preparation, such as finding sheet music, practicing accompaniments for various school choirs and musicals, and along with that, consider any additional hobbies, such as piano practice (for a grade 8 exam in the next term) and violin/viola practice (for a grade 8 exam in the forseeable future), and you have a large list of things which need to be done.

I have lists, written on post-it notes, stuck to my cupboards, in the hope that by the end of the Christmas holidays, everything on them will have been crossed out. It's a long shot, but it's worth a try.

My point, at long last, is this: Are 'holidays' really holidays? Yes, we have a break from school, but my view on the upcoming Christmas holidays is that they are a chance to catch up with sleep, work, and music practice; a chance to get on the ball with everything; a chance to maybe even get ahead of the game. It's not a holiday, not for me! And I don't think that there is anyone, anyone at all, who will have these two weeks as one long holiday. Everybody will be catching up on sleep / working / catching up on things that they don't usually have the opportunity or time to do.

Don't get me wrong - I am by no means complaining about the Christmas holidays. I shall enjoy them immensely, and will not be at all willing to go back to school at the end of them.

I'm simply considering the terminology. The irony of it..

The Death Penalty.

I've been thinking a lot recently about the death penalty.

I discovered a copy of The Green Mile by Stephen King in an Oxfam bookshop a couple of weeks ago, and on a whim decided to buy it (despite never having heard of either the book or the film, but only of the author).

I started to read it, and then as a matter of coincidence we started talking/learning about the death penalty in rs at school...

It's a topic I've always known my opinion on, but now I feel so strongly about it, that I can and will debate with anyone about it.

To some, it may seem like an efficient way of clearing society of danger, clearing prison space, and acting as a deterrent, but this isn't true. It's proven that the threat of the death penalty does not act as a deterrent - average crime rates in England actually decreased after it was abolished here. As well as this, the death penalty removes all chance of reformation and a second chance for the offender, and prison isn't the only option for minor offenders, so prison space does not necessarily have to be limited.

But primarily, the reason for my feelings against the death penalty are actually because it such an inhumane and cruel way to die. Despite the fact that these men/women may have committed horrible crimes, they are humans too. The torture of knowing that they are waiting to die is a concept that most of us can barely even consider, never mind imagine. And as for the last few hours, as they consume their last meal, and say their last prayers or take their last counseling, and as they walk their final steps to their final destination of a large reinforced chair, or a noose, the emotions which must surely curse through their veins are horrific. And yet they are induced by members of their own species.

It's so hard to put into words, especially when writing, but although people on death row (and equivalents) may have made terrible mistakes, I believe that it is our own terrible mistake to allow such things to happen.

And as for when innocents happen to become mixed up in such occurrences...

In the end, more lives are taken. In most cases, the life/lives of the original victem(s). And then we add more injury, but taking the life of the original offender. We are as bad as they. Even for putting up with it, or supporting it.

The human race (including myself) sickens me.

When the Moon Is Shining...

Why is it so much easier to think at night?

Never having been one to fall asleep as soon as my head touches the pillow (I wish!), I often find myself thinking more than I ever do during daylight hours about anything and everything. This, of course, has its advantages. Being fairly introvert at times, I enjoy just lying in my room having some peace and quiet (sad, I know - I'm supposed to be the teenager!), and having the time at night to think through everything keeps me fairly organised and calm.

However.

It has direct consequences the following morning! I am not a morning person at the best of times (consider that a warning!), and thinking means that was awake at night when I should have been asleep, and therefore I am tired!

Also, once the brain starts thinking, it takes a while to deactivate, so to speak. Which means that I waste sleep time, and am even more tired in the morning. For instance, right now, despite having been shattered for most of the day, I am blogging in the hope that my fully-awake brain will want to go to sleep!

Life would be so much easier if we didn't think at all...

Holiday Time.

The holidays seem to have gone really quickly, but at the same time, have stretched on forever. A week in China, two weeks in Norfolk on two different holidays, plus sleepovers and going out and other such activities have certainly kept me busy, and I'm soon going away for another week. In the midst of all this, I've had food technology coursework to do (which is eating up hours of my time), serious violin and piano practice to crack on with, and other bits and bobs which don't usually get done in term time.

So I've made good use of the holidays, making sure that I have time to relax, too, and do things which I definitely won't have time for come September (such as The Sims 3, to which I am completely addicted...). I've really enjoyed just having time. Time to sleep, time to relax, the freedom of being able to do work when I actually feel like it.

The freedom shall be short lived, though. On return to school, in two weeks' time, I shall be attending two county music groups, accompanying the school musical + rehearsals, accompanying the school choir, taking part in the school's Eisteddfod rehearsals and being a part of all the other music groups that I'm involved in. Plus working towards more GCSEs.

After last year's stressful, depressing revision period, I am not looking forward to year 11 in the slightest in terms of actually doing work. Although I won't be doing Latin any more, there shall be far more subjects to revise for! I had about 12 exams in year 10, and will probably have about the same number this year, but the exams will almost all be different subjects, meaning more revision! Thankfully, though, there will be exam leave. Having exams in year 10 without exam leave meant that I was being given homework, coursework and piano practice for accompanying So Mad (a school production) at the same time, all with strict deadlines, as well as revising for 12 exams.

Talking of exams, the tension at the moment is almost unbearable. My latin results will be available on Tuesday, and, if I were in year 11, I would be able to go and receive them from South. However. Since I've just finished lowly year 10, I have to wait until September before I find out how I did. I'm extremely curious, since I had not target or attainment grades at all throughout the Latin lessons, and therefore I have no idea about how I've done. I'm hopeful, considering the sheer amount of work and revision I did (and the exams went well), that I've done ok. But we shall see - in September. I'm so impatient.

In the meantime, I just have a growing dread about returning to school, waiting for the chaos to start...

Friendly Catch-Ups At Costa Coffee.

Today, I once again went down to Bromsgrove's ever-so-exciting high street, but this time it was not to mooch, nor was it to shop. Instead, I made my way to Costa Coffee - the coffee shop of pure indulgence (for a price...). I don't even like coffee.

I like Costa. The atmosphere is relaxed but sophisticated, and sitting inside at a window table (in order to people-watch) on high stools with a friend whom I had not had a catchup with in a while was extremely pleasant. Of course, the hot chocolate with marshmellows, cream, and chocolate sprinkles added to this effect!

But even more than my liking of Costa, is my liking of catch-up chats. Most people know this. I'm the inquisitive (or nosy, take your pick) kind of person who likes to know what's going on in other peoples' lives, and who likes other people to know most of what's going on in my own. I think that it takes a lot of trust for two people to have a proper, two-way catchup, and it builds the relationship between them. Knowing what is going on in someone else's life helps to understand them better as a person, and with understanding comes stronger friendship and companionship.

As for sharing your own life, burdens are much heavier when they're not shared. Obviously, catchups are not about sharing every single thing that has ever happened in your entire life, but the important, big, relevant (and appropriate) things are often better shared, because it means that there is at least one ear out there to listen to you. This applies to good news and updates as well as bad or upsetting ones.

I'm a firm believer in catchups. Especially ones in Costa Coffee.

The Land Where Everything Is Made

The stamps in my passport (along with my flight tickets, free hotel slippers, and other various momentoes) declare that I have officially entered and left the country of the People's Republic of China. And true enough, I have.

I was initially going to write about what I did, and what I saw, and blah blah blah, but my reasoning is that if you are truly interested, you can see my photo diary on facebook, and read the captions to gain more information.

So, instead, here are some little things I've thought about on my return from China.

The Size of the Place! Population Desity, Traffic, and Bicycles.

China, the fourth biggest country in the world after Russia, Canada, and the USA, could fit the UK into it 37 times. It's absolutely huge. Beijing and Shanghai, the two cities I visited (the capital followed by China's largest city) echo this hugeness. They're busy, preoccupied cities, with many, many people. Even at night, everywhere you look, there are people. People driving, people walking, people riding bicycles (more about that shortly), people sitting on the pavements lighting small fires and playing cards with each other. There are huge skyscrapers - particularly in Shanghai, where there are apparently 3000 of them, all having been built in the past 10 years - housing people, but also more poverty-stricken homes on ground level.

The traffic is horrendous in most areas of these cities, in that there are simply so many people on the roads. And they're all Chinese, too - we only saw one other western tourist group whilst out there. But the roads are extremely dangerous. If there are any laws about driving, or allowing people to cross the road for that matter, they certainly aren't upheld very well! Crossing the street is a nightmare - bicycles fly at you, cars beep at you, and then you get laughed at when you try to run out of the way! Very interesting.

When in Beijing, I tried to count the number of bicycles I saw, to see if Katie Melua's song 'Nine Million Bicycles' was anywhere near accurate. After seeing and counting 850 after a mere hour or so, I decided that yes, it most probably was... And rather sensibly gave up counting.

Pride! Tourism, Contrasts, and Hidden Sights.

It is a fairly well-known fact that in many rural parts of China, the living conditions are extremely poor, and many people are in poverty. It is less commonly known that there are also areas of poverty right under the noses of those in the touristic areas - especially Beijing. It is easy to see the wonderful structures, buildings and tourist attractions, most of which towered into the sky and headed towards the sun. But when one looks closely at the ground level, behind walls and billboards to see the homes behind, the sights are not pretty. It gave me a taster for what rural China must surely be like.

It was interesting to see, though, how the Chinese try to hide these things away. As said before, the homes were often hidden behind walls and such in order to appear a 'better' city. In Shanghai, this was even more apparent. Even the main roads are above tree level, and the hundreds and thousands of skyscrapers mean that your eyes are attracted to the sky rather than to the ground, for the sights that the sky offered are a lot more impressive than those of the ground conditions.

Price! Cheapness, Haggling, and Total Westerners.

Everything in China was cheap. It was something which amazed all of us for our entire stay there. We bought large bottles of water for the equivelant of 10p, and bottles of coke for 40p. We had whole - huge - meals for about £2.50. Shop prices were very low, and money was no problem whatsoever - everybody had plenty left over by the end!

As Westerners, however, we had to haggle a lot, particularly when in markets and / or souvenir shops at the tourist attractions. Because of our white skin, tall bodies, fair hair, and light eyes, many vendors attempted to 'rip us off' by charging much more than they expected, in the hope that we would, in our ignorence, give them more money. That failed. We haggled and bargained, getting items and gifts for very little money - much less than we would in England.

Because of our 'Westerner' status, we were seen almost like tourist attractions ourselves for the Chinese. Whenever we had a group photo taken, lots of Chinese people would take it too. We were approached by many people in the street, asking to have their photo taken with us. And we were also photographed by people who didn't ask! I suppose, for people in Aisa, it is a rarity to see someone with white skin and fair hair, even in places like Beijing (where many there are visitors anyway).

Food! Meals, Fish, and Chicken Heads.

The food was interesting. Each restaurant meal was served on a circular table, and large (very large) plates of very many dishes were placed in the middle, for us to help ourselves. There was so much food! We could never eat it all. We never even attempted to finish it. As for what there was to it, rice was everywhere. Breakfast, lunch, dinner. Meats were varied and generally tasty in spicy sauces, but goodness only knows what they were. I'm not aware that I ate any dog, but I have no idea.

However, I did eat some fish which arrived on our table(s) with their heads, bones, skin, tails, etc, still attached. A chicken was presented in a very similar way at one particular restuarant, although the head wasn't cooked. As well as this, there was some soup which looked more like raw eggs and some other disgusting ingredients (see one of my facebook videos) and some other strange concoctions. We were intending to go to a scorpion restaurant, but too many of us wanted to go - the restaurant wasn't big enough for us all.

Would I Go Back?

Yes. Without a single doubt in the world. I have every intention of going back. In fact, I'm not convinced that I won't end up living there for at least a while. Despite only having stayed in the country for 10 days, it now has an extremely big place in my heart, and being there felt like it was actually my home, and coming back to England felt more like leaving to go somewhere new, which was a strange thing to discover. As well as this, China is a very godless nation, and to share Jesus' amazing love with people out there would be incredible... But I shall say no more of this now, but simply wait to see what God has in store for my future. If I end up living in China, I certainly shall not complain. My trip there with the Worcestershire Youth Orchestra was the best experience of my life... so far.

Adventure Time!

It's July the 17th, a cloudy but mild Saturday in Summer, and in but 2 days' time I shall be on a plane, heading towards Asia.

I shall be with my orchestra, the Worcestershire Youth Orchestra, and we'll be touring around Beijing and Shanghai, for a total trip of 10 days. We'll be doing concerts but also sightseeing. I shall see for myself one of the seven wonders of the world.

I cannot express my excitement.

However, adventures are never pure excitement. There's always an element of thrill to them - they usually have anticipation or apprehension of the unknown lurking. And sure enough, I'm slightly wary. I have never been outside of Europe (the furthest away from home I have ever been is only Germany), and Asia is going to be a totally new experience - completely different from anything I've ever known. With being in China come all the worries about health and safety, and although these threats are present in England, they are but tiny in comparison with China. And the language is another thing entirely. Most languages in Europe are fairly comprehensable if you have a general grasp of European languages in general. However, Chinese... If you don't know the language, you don't have a chance. Thank goodness for translators.

However, the general feeling is complete and utter excitement, as adventures often are. I can't wait to be flying above the clouds (although I'm sure the novelty will wear off after about 17 hours...), walking the great wall of China, eating proper Chinese food, and playing music to an audience who aren't English!

Prayers and thoughts for safety and health over the 10 days I'm out there would be much appreciated... I shall see you all soon, with many, many, MANY, pictures!!! :)

Change.

Change is a curious thing. I know very few people who willingly allow their lives to be twisted and morphed out of shape every time change comes along, and yet really, there is nothing we can do to stop it. We can try to delay it, change the change (ironic) in some way, or deny it, but in the end, it still happens.

And it happens on a daily basis. Little things change all the time, and we don't kick up a fuss. We discover new things, meet new people, adapt and change our environment and clothing to the current mood we're in or phase we're going through.

Despite this, most of us act totally surprised when slightly larger changes come around the corner. We often don't see them coming, but they do, and we're never prepared. At least, I know that I never fail to get knocked off my feet by some big(ish) news or a different situation.

My point is this: I should be prepared for change. I ask God to change me, I ask people to point out to me the things about me which need changing, and I wish for change to happen, and yet when it does I'm still surprised. Why? I've asked for it! We should expect change to happen, and be excited about it. We should welcome new opportunities and situations which we may not be totally comfortable with, so that we can experience new things and become more rounded characters. We should even embrace changes which we may not particularly like, because, in the long run, they will make us who we were designed to be.

It's my aim, anyway.

Mooching Around.

I like the word 'mooch'.
It's a strange word..
The dictionary says that to mooch is to 'wander around aimlessly; To beg, cadge, or sponge; to exploit or take advantage of others for personal gain; To steal or filch'.

Personally, when I say that I'm mooching, I generally mean that I'm wandering around with no particular purpose or sense of rush, rather than taking advantage of others!

I had a dentist appointment this morning at 8:20am, which would be nasty on any day (I am most definitely not a morning person), but considering that today is a teacher training day, meaning that we have no school today, it was particularly hard to drag myself out of the comfy retreat that is my bed. However, I managed it, and mum dropped me off at the dentists' and I got that all sorted out.

Afterwards, I decided to go and have a look around town. And then I realised that it was only 8:30am, and that the shops didn't open until 9. So, on impulse, I went to Costa Coffee (which was open), and spent a pleasant half hour simply sitting in there with a hot chocolate - plus marshmellows and cream, of course - and thinking quietly. I felt slightly out of place, considering that almost everybody else was obviously a regular - they were all asking for "the usual", but even so, it was nice.

Feeling relaxed, at 9, I walked around town and did a spot of shopping, and then went up to the library and spent a good half hour sitting on one of the sofas reading a good book, before walking home.

I enjoy mooching. I enjoy it a lot.

Joy

I had a concert this afternoon; a showcase concert in which I was playing the piano. I hadn't particularly been looking forward to it, and while I was there all I was thinking about was the fact that I wanted to be at the Gracechurch Family Together service instead. The concert went well, but I just wasn't very interested in being there - in fact, I was becoming moodier by the minute.

But when we finally arrived at Gracechurch and walked in late, my mood improved almost instantly. I settled myself down by good friends and was soon laughing, chatting, dancing (?!), and goodness knows what else.

And it just makes me think. Because I personally find it so easy to think that I'm clearly lacking the joy which the Bible talks about, and which I know I should feel - I mean, Jesus has defeated death! What is there not to be joyful about?! - but today proved otherwise. Simply allowing the joy to express itself through laughter, conversation, worship and socialisation at Gracechurch today made me realise that the joy is always there in my heart - I just need to act upon it and not wallow in self-pity.

Of course, life has its ups and downs. We cannot constantly be happy (although I know a number of people who are fairly good at it!). There are going to be hard times for each and every one of us - we know that. And yet, even in the darkest hour, we can look back to the cross and see what Jesus did for us, and be filled with hope again and again, and be lifted out.

Today has been a mixture of emotions.
And tomorrow will be, too.
As will every day for the rest of my life.
But so long as I remember what he's done, the joy which God has given me will never die.

Where Words Fail, Music Speaks.

It always astounds me how music has the capability to influence our thoughts and emotions. How, without having a single word spoken or even thought, music can touch the heart and of every single person.

The reasons for why I still play music is not because I started learning when I was little. It's not because I can play it, and so I do. No. It's because when I play it - when I really get into it and let my mind go -, music touches my very soul in a way that I can't even explain. Everything just detaches itself from me. Problems cease to matter as much as they did before. Answers to problems often show themselves to me without me even thinking about it. And I always end up feeling better than before I started playing.

Yes, it's hard to practice on a regular basis, and yes, it's hard to not feel pressured by weekly lessons and expectations and concerts and business of life in general. But music isn't just a hobby; it's an entire way of life.

So, in terms of 'hobbies' and 'interests', there is nothing that I would recommend more than playing music. Nothing. It is one of the most beneficial things you can do, I reckon...