(dedicated to Thomas, who kindly badgered me into blogging again)
So much of my time at South now is geared towards sending me out into the wider world by packing me off to university in order to get me to open my metaphorical wings and learn to fly in one giant leap of faith.
There's one tiny problem. I don't want to leave.
I'm excited for the idea of university. I can think of nothing better than devoting my academic time entirely to music and having the social life that accompanies university life. I long for quiet, hushed studies in the corner of a dusty and dim library, surrounded by hundreds of books. I look forward to lecturers with experts in their fields. I can't wait to go exploring new places with friends, both at day and night, meeting new people as we go.
It will be my chance to grow as a person, as a student, and as a musician. And yet...
Although I don't love my home life where I live, and my social life could definitely do with less restrictions (something I'm sure I'll speak of at another time), I love my life. I love my school, where I love being involved with as much as possible, simply because it brings me so much enjoyment and joy. I love WYO and WYJO. I love my church. I love the friends I have here, both in my own year group and in others. I love the opportunities that are thrown my way from every possible direction thanks to being at the school I'm at.
This year, some of my closest friends go off to university, in approximately 3 months' time. My heart clenches at the though, in disbelief. I can't stand the idea of them leaving me, of our friendships potentially being weakened or even forgotten in the process. The same feeling occurs when I think about moving away from people here, when it's my turn to go.
I know that I should be ready to fly, and I know that my wings will unfold when I tell them too. But I don't feel old enough yet. Life is moving too quickly, and it terrifies me slightly.